if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
