I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
