Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
