I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
