Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
