And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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