This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
