Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
