I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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