It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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