Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
