Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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