Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
