remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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