Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
