i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
