thus making me awesome and them whores
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
