you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
