I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
