he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
