Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
