So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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