apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
