Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
