i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
