she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
