We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
