I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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