maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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