i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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