Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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