I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
