I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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