apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
