you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
