I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
