yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
