The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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