Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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