You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
