Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
