MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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