so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
