Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
