That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sext me about skeletons
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
