i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
