PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
