The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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