Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
