i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
