smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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