Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
