her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
