Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
