i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
