He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
